Self Harmer!Law X Reader

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!: This contains Self-Harming. Please don't read if this may trigger you

Please listen to this song, this fic was inspired by it: www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYR4WS…

Being a doctor meant he knew where to cut to bring the most pain without breaking the arteries. He knew how much pressure was needed to make a cut as painful as possible, as well as how long it will take for each one to heal. Dragging the blade across his forearm, Law clenched his fist and watched with what looked like fascination at the red beads of blood that made a dotted line. Law took a shaky breath and bit his bottom lip to stop the tears from falling. He rested the back of his head on the bathtub and looked at the ceiling. His hoodie was thrown haphazardly over the toilet and his Jolly Roger smiled mockingly at him, seeming to like his pain.

Law carefully kept the back of his left arm on his thigh, making sure the blood didn't drip onto his trousers or on the floor. Law gripped the silver blade and drew it across his arm again and again and again. The blood began to flow down his arm and Law paused to watch the red stream trickle slowly down his arm. He thought it was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. Law smiled to himself, a fake smile, barely containing the anguish he was feeling inside.

Suddenly the door burst open and you walked in. Your hurried steps slowed to a stop as your (e/c) eyes took in the cuts on your captain's arm. Law jerked up, grabbed his hoodie and struggled to put it on. Once it was on, he pulled his sleeves down to his knuckles, not caring if the blood soaked through the orange material. He looked at you and you were dimly aware of the fear in his eyes.

"(N-Name) I...I er.." Law trailed off, not knowing how to finish, not knowing how to explain himself.

Turning on your heel, you walked to the door and shut it, locking it this time. You kept your hand on the door, taking deep breaths. Spinning around you looked at Law straight in the eye. He noticed that while your eyes held shock and pain, they also held anger. You hadn't said a word since you had barged in here, and Law was beginning to get nervous.

You took slow steps to him, treating him like a frightened animal. Placing your hands on his shoulders, you sat him down on the toilet. Kneeling down in between his legs, you took his left hand in your own left hand and using your right hand, gripped the edge of his hoodie sleeve and began to push it up. Law hissed slightly when the material brushed against one of the cuts. You stopped and made sure the material wouldn't aggravate any of his bleeding cuts.

Once his sleeve was rolled up to his elbow, you took the green medical box that was under the sink and opened it. The alcoholic wipes were under the bandages and you took them both out.

"This is going to sting," you told him, not looking at him. They were the first words you had spoken to him since you had entered and even a deaf man could have heard the pain in your voice.

As gently as you possibly could, you wiped his bleeding cuts. Law had taught all the members of the Heart Pirates the basic first aid and you were thankful for the skills you had learnt now. Wiping away the last ribbon of blood, you took the white bandages and began to methodically wrap it around his wrist snaking it up his forearm and tied it.

Swallowing down the lump in your throat, you looked up at the man who you admired and respected...and loved. Your heart broke at the sadness, the misery that was swirling in his charcoal eyes. Never taking your eyes off his, you brought his arm to your lips. You broke the contact with  his eyes and placed a kiss at the start of the bandage. Trailing you lips, you kissed all the spots where the pure white had been tainted by the red of his blood. At the top of the bandage, you rolled his sleeve up to as high as it could go, and kissed all the healing cuts and scars that littered his arm. Sitting back on your heels, you repeated the process on his other arm, the tears falling down your cheeks.

All through it, Law had looked on at you impassively. Looking up at him, it was then that you realised he was fighting back all the emotions. He was trying not to cry. And that made your heart twist. Even now he was trying so hard to be strong, to be the fearless captain everyone knew him to be.

You stood up and pulled him along as well. You wrapped your arms around him, bringing him close to you.

"It's okay to cry Law, it doesn't make you weak," you told him quietly. You didn't know what part of the sentence reassured him, but it was like a dam had burst. The tears he had tried so valiantly not to shed fell down his cheeks. He wrapped his long arms around you and crushed you to him. It was like you were his only lifeline in a cold dark sea. You laughed inwardly at how ironic that was. His grip was hard, and you knew you would have bruises there tomorrow, but you didn't care, just wrapped your arms around and over his shoulders, rubbing his back.

You weren't sure how long you stood there, for over thirty minutes. When you heard Law's breathing beginning to calm, you pulled away slightly. Looking up at him, you gave him a smile and reached up to wipe the tears away.

"Captain ... Law, please stop this," you begged him, tears pooling at the corners of your eyes. "This isn't a good way to deal with your sadness and anger. Please let us in, we can help. It hurts, to know that you would rather pick up a blade and cut your own skin than to talk to us. We're willing to listen, we're willing to help. We don't want you to be in this much pain. We would do anything to help you, that's why we're here."

Law looked at you with pained filled eyes. You could see the hatred in them. Hatred at himself. You knew he wouldn't believe anything you had said, you needed something else. Summoning all of your courage, you cupped his face in your two hands.

"Law, you may hate yourself. You may look into a mirror and all you see are your faults. You may not love yourself, but I do! I love you so so much. And it hurts me to know that you've resorted to self-harming to feel. Look I know you may not love me, but I will love you for all eternity. I will never stop loving the man who cares so much about his crew."

Law's eyes softened, and you knew then that you had broken through the last of his walls. His tattooed hands came up and softly, delicately held your cheeks. He brushed some of your hair behind your ear, and slowly bent down. Closing your eyes, you titled your head back and let him rest his forehead on yours. The gesture was so intimate and more tears fell down your cheeks.

"Law, I'm going to help you, I know you can beat your demons. If you ever feel down, feel like cutting again, find me and I promise I will listen to you," you promised him. Bending down, you grabbed the razor. You curled your palm around it, hiding the blood covered blade. Taking his hand, you lead him out of the bathroom, up the submarine and onto the deck. Pulling him over to the side, you gave him his blade.

"Throw it over. Show me that you want to fight your demons, show me that I'm not going to be wasting my time. Show me that you want to live!" You told him. Law let go of your hand. He stared at the blade like it was his best friend and you felt angry with yourself that you weren't there for him when he needed it. Law drew back his right hand and threw the blade as far as he could away from him. You heard it splash as it hit the water.

Sliding your arm around his waist, you gave him a side hug. Law returned it, swooping down to give you a kiss on your hair, murmuring against the strands;

"Thank you for saving me from myself."